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Chapters

1. Rallying the Troops

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"Nothing is more delectable than pursuing a classic American bender of sex, drugs, and rock-n-roll to propel us beyond the realm of quixotic fantasy. Nothing is more sacred than having a couple of friends trust in your madness."

2. Let the Endgames Begin

"The devil woman was ambiguous in detail but specific in conveying that an accidental pleasure, like an inside joke, had happened between them. I focused on her for a split second, and she leaned back triumphantly."

3. The Cost of Opportunity

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"I was trapped in a world to which I did not belong and doubted whether or not I was doing all I could to resolve the predicament I was in. Homicide and suicide, though not at the top of the list, were certainly distant options."

4. Shafted

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"My insides were gnarled and cramped with fear. Tom reached to find my hand and placed the Glock in it. The steel was hard, bulky, and cold—solidifying the peril I no longer had the pleasure to deny."

5. A Fugitive From My Own Life

"There was no doubt that within a couple of days they would be back on the streets and out for blood.  We were at the same time on the run and on death row."

6. Desert Renegades

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"Like an accelerating Ferrari, his voice reverberated in my ears and faintly caressed the difficult and sentimental place on my back centered exactly between my shoulder blades."

7. Flipping the Script

"Sitting pretty, fetching obediently, and playing nice with the other bitches would be a cinch after everything I had been through at ThunderBalls."

8. Porcelain Chrysalis

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"Facing the clock in a staring contest, I was caught in breathless restraint against my own passivity and apprehension. One blink and I would never make it out of L.A."

9. Isolation, Actualization & Transcendence

"A definition for the true nature of existence and reality had escaped me. A postmodernist would answer that there is no answer, and to contend otherwise leaves one in a perpetual crisis of meaning."

10. The Art of the Hustle

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"Bums at the foot of Bergdorf’s, punks on the steps of St. Patrick’s, and queers proud and regal as the Statue of Liberty—I had been in Manhattan for only two days, yet I had never felt more at home."

11. No Bird of Luck Can Alight on a Clenched Fist

"I ended up going with the waitress’ recommendation of the bartender’s specialty. Something called “The Relaxer”. What image came to mind was a recliner with a dildo attachment."

12. Checkmate

"If I ended it with Tom, there would be no turning back. I had to choose which was more important: sticking around for the money or walking away with my freedom."

13. Down the Rabbit Hole We Go

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"From Malibu to Monaco, this was how the monsters of fortune and fantasy lived, and there I was with a front row seat. Trying to swallow an amusement park was more like it."

14. Viva Wonderland

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"Heavenly bodies orbit each other, gliding along the edge where one’s fantasy meets the other’s reality. Sacred dance."

15. Payback Time

"Three small words came to mind. What. The. Fuck. I didn’t know what to think or how to react. The impact of the news gouged into me. I wasn’t sad. I wasn’t scared. I was empty inside like a hollowed out loaf of bread."